Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Whats your number?
What's your number? If you haven't seen the comedy, it's basically about a young girl counting the number of men she has slept with throughout her life, and not wanting to exceed a certain number.
Maybe it's something you have never thought about, deeply embarrassed about, or if you're a man-maybe you're keeping down a tally chart proud of all those one night stands you had throughout college (who knows) but it's been said and studied that both men and women lie about their alleged "number".
Personally Im honest about it because A) I see no reason to lie about it and B) I've happened to have serious boyfriends throughout my life-which most people know about. Inevitably if you haven't had serious girlfriends or boyfriends your numbers bound to be higher than those who have. But really, if
You don't want to know, don't ask.
And be warned that most people will lie about it. Especially men. Translate 17 into 27 (or more) and know that you should never ask questions you don't wish to know the answer to.
As I have been single for a while now I'm learning to enjoy whatever happens-rather than overanalyze whatever happens.Each date, you learn what you do want, and what you don't want in your future relationship ( with whomever) and as everyone always says "what's meant to be will be".
I had an ex boyfriend who always used to say: "never put all your crayons in one box" and thinking about it, it makes sense. There is a balance between friends and boyfriends, a balance between giving up your life and having one, and if your with the right person they should understand that.
I also think numbers have to do with who you are as a person. If you can go around having one night stands (without care) then good for you, but if your more of an emotionally attached person (in whatever regard), then that probably isn't quite you're thing. Personally I would much rather be in a relationship than date multiple people. But I'm learning that to be in a relationship with anyone, sometimes the best thing to do is date other people (before hand) to know what you want, and what you're getting yourself into.
So here is where that awkward friends with benefits/booty call part comes in. First of all if you're needy and wanting a relationship with a guy, he's probably well aware of it. He will feel it- even if you're not texting/calling him. This is because men seem to have a very good sick sense of it (or at least they think they do). And be aware that this type of behavior makes a man think you want him to "change"his ways, leading him to want to stay as far away from you as possible. Until next weekend, when you're suddenly his third choice of the night (and he remembered he has your number). If a man feels like you are desperately obsessing over the situation turning into a relationship, he will escape.
So, if being a guys booty call or sexual side dish isn't quite what you're looking for-read on:
Cold fact #1: Just because you have sex with a guy, doesn't mean he will develop feelings for you. Although this should be a no brainer, it doesn't seem to be. Allowing yourself to fall into booty call status won't make him love you, care for you, or want to secure a commitment with you. Instead it devalues you in his book, and you to become less of a priority.
Cold fact #2: Sex with no strings attached means that he's not attached to you. Guys can have sex with a girl multiple times and even act nice, without desiring anything more from you. Since women tend to connect emotionally after sex, you might presume men do the same, but they don't. Unless he feels an emotional connection above and beyond sexual desire, your time together has an expiration date. The best time to establish an emotional connection is before you two sleep together opposed to after. If he isn't interested in locking you down, then there is a good chance that he is just bidding his time with you until something "better" comes along. Long story straight, if he can sleep with you and not care that you might be sleeping with other men-then he doesn't have an "emotional" connection.
Cold fact #3: If he really cares about you he will wait to have sex with you. A guy who bails because he didn't have sex with you by the third date, has the word player scribbled all over his head. If he is trying to push you to far to quickly, then he is just looking to have sex. A man whose smitten and see's you as long term potential is willing to wait, and will respect you more for doing so. This shows him that you have values and self respect. These two traits are ones that attract quality men and inspire them to value you in return. By holding yourself and body in high regard, you become more attractive, not less.
To sum this all up, once you've become a "side dish" it's not easy to transform yourself into an entree. It's important to figure out what you want early on, and behave accordingly. Thinking you can change someone is the most nieve thing ever, and honestly if you think about it-why should you have to change for anyone? or want to change anyone? You don't want to force a relationship from someone who isn't looking, and you also don't want to lead yourself up to thinking something will come from it, when it wont. If you have to question if your someones booty call, then the only word you should be screaming is: next.