Monday, June 3, 2013

Why he's just not that into you

It always flabbergasts me just how different men are from women. Aside from the obvious, our brains are wired a completely differently way. In any which situation. So I decided today would be the day, I write about why he's just not that into you.


"Why didn't he call me back?" Is a common question asked amongst all of us. You have a great night out with a promising guy. You think it went well and are expecting to see him again soon, but then all of a sudden..he’s is gone and vanishes inexplicably.

 While you sit around wondering why he didn't call you back (texting your friends for answers), or over analyzing what happened between the two of you-you speculate, obsess, rationalize and then justify.

You want to know what happened in between your last goodbye, to make him suddenly do his "vanishing act". When your friends insist that "it's not you, it's him" you want to know if they are just trying to make you feel better, or telling you the truth.

But the truth of the matter is that there isn't anyone who knows the truth about what really happened on your date other than the guy you went out with. Not you. Not your friends, and certainly not your mother.

So a friend of mine decided to get some real answers, from some real men and find out from 1000 different men as to why you may have never heard from them again. Surprisingly, she got some very real answers. As it turns out there are some very clear and consistent reasons why men show initial interest and then do the "vanishing" act.

Sometimes the issue is his. He may not be over his ex, he may be a complete player, or he might just be in over his head on finding the "right girl" and getting the fun in (with you) why he can. I mean who hasn't gone out occasionally with a real jerk? It happens to the best of us. But sometimes we are sending out the wrong signals that we might be unaware of. The good news is that these signals are easy enough to fine tune.

Basically, most men admitted to having several female stereotypes floating around in their mind. They try to peg exactly which stereotype you are, and then track evidence to back up the hunch. Although you know who you are deep down, he doesn't. So his decision whether to call you or not, is based on his perception of you opposed to the reality.

So what are the three top reasons why men aren't calling you back?

Reason #1-The boss 
His perception: He would rather hire you, than date you and perceives you as an argumentative, independent, controlling boss. Rather than feminine dating material. While you might think that his intimidated by your success, he actually thinks that you have a bad attitude. Next.

Your Reality: Your successful, forthright and confident, but can't yet see the great qualities behind your tough demeanor. Try to talk about warm topics. Less of the pin striped suit talk, and more of the flirtatiousness.

Reason #2-The Park Avenue Princess.
His perception: You're looking for ken, a "perfect 10": the guy who rates a 5 on the looks scale with 5 million in the bank. He thinks that you’re high maintenance, superficial, or a plain old gold digger.

Your Reality: You can take care of yourself and enjoy spending what you make or how blessed you are. Maybe you are interested in a nice lifestyle, but it doesn't mean that it's not your sole priority. He is jaded by all the previous gold diggers his dated before you and your guilty until proven innocent. So instead of asking him what his "favorite hotel is in St Bart's" is, you should ask him what "his favorite little neighborhood cafe" is. Drink Tap water. Not Evian.

Reason #3: The Sadie Hawkins
His perception: You're pursuing him, rather than vice versa. You sent him a thank you text after your date and he immediately presumed that you liked him. He may even think that you're a little desperate. Deep down he feels deflated because when he likes a woman, he does the chasing.

Your Reality:  The thank you text message was just to show good manners, not a subtle hint for him to ask you out ever again. At work you are rewarded for taking initiative but with men you have to let them reach out first. That means hinting another date is his duty-not yours. This is the one time you’re empowered, take charge of your life when you have to sit back and wait after a first date, and do absolutely nothing to follow up. He’s a big boy, and if his interested, he will know what to do.

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