Friday, January 31, 2014

Why Relationships Fail

So while sitting in accounting class yesterday, I started to look back on past relationships and wondered why they had failed. None of my relationships have ever been the same, along with the personalities.

I've dated the immature partier who (coincidentally) hid his phone every time we were together and had girls under "code names", the nice guy that was head over heels for me (yet drove me away at lightening speed), the arrogant Beverly Hills thirty-something year old who thought he was royalty (because he was dressed head to toe in Tom Ford) and then the uncategorized relationships which I cant even find words for.

The ones I can't find words for, are seemingly the most annoying, unpredictable and heartbreaking (to add a dramatic touch). After all-how can you ever fix a relationship thats all over the place every three days, and at what point do you put mind over matter and give up?

After reading through my tweets, I found one about people playing games and related it to my current life. While life is a game, relationships shouldn't be.

 I read articles on Elite Daily and Cosmopolitan to come to a conclusion. Cosmo (written by women) instructed women TO play games while Elite Daily (written by men) told men to leave women that plays games. Confusing? Yes.

So where is the happy medium? I've been in over-bearing relationships where I get everything that i want yet feel like I cant breathe at the same time, and then i've been in relationships where im ignored all day and feel like I couldn't be cared less about. Ironically the one I want more of is the later, but at some point the mystery aspect gets sickening.

In high school, I was in a relationship for 3+ years. Those three years were spent on an emotional roller coaster, and I will never forget arguments over the fact that I "apparently" acted like a "huge f--k--g mystery". At the time I found the analogy humorous, I was 95 pounds and far from huge. On the other hand, the older I got the more I thought about my mysterious factor, which was far from intentional.

I had always been independent growing up. I'd been cheated on multiple times and figured that the more emotionally attached I got to someone, the more hurt i'd end up. In logic, the sensible thing would be to keep distance when you're not sure where your relationship is headed. At the same time, if you don't put effort into someone,  your relationship is destined to fail.

With that said, If I constantly feel like im the only one putting effort in, its inevitable that at one point (willingly or not) I give up.You should not be the one doing all the bending, compromise is a two way street. Your friends will agree that you deserved better from the get go, because there your friends-not his.

Eventually games get boring, you either win, lose, or quit and move on with your life. Even if this means feeling sorry for yourself, listening to sad songs and waking up in the morning with mascara down your face making you look comparable to a panda bear.

If someone wants to be a part of your life they will make every effort to do so, and if they don't..it's time to move on.

12 comments:

  1. My Dear Mercedes,

    Men cheat on you because they are insecure, its as simple as that. You are a strong independent woman, and it makes those men who are prone to feeling small, feel tiny. Unfortunately relationships are a game, at first, which can be categorized as courting. "Games" don't always have to be looked at as a bad thing. These "games" is what is actually going to keep your relationship fresh later down the line. Flirty text messages, and some date nights, amongst other things will give you that fresh feeling you need, when you were originally playing "games". Just remember, you will have to kiss a few frogs before you get to your prince, and its never good to compare how many frogs you have to kiss compared to someone else. With a beautiful, and smart woman like yourself, it might take a little kissing, but I know your prince will come.

    xoxo ShoeSnob

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