Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Life after love

They always say you don't know what you have until it's gone. If your single, you may find yourself longing for a relationship, while if your in a relationship you may find yourself craving freedom. The grass is always greener. So what exactly does one learn from an ugly breakup? (leading to your eyeliner making you look like a panda bear and chocolates being thrown at the tv-elle words style). 

The ten things love (or life after love) teaches us are as follows:

1) Life goes on-whether we want it to or not. The first time I thought my heart was breaking (and world ending) was after a three year relationship that lasted throughout high school. The worst part of it was that I skipped out on many opportunities including attending my senior prom (this was because my "ex" best friend went to my senior prom with my graduated ex boyfriend of many years. Ouch.)  Even though it was upsetting, I learnt that life goes on and that it wouldn't be the last time I have my heart broken, or get stabbed in the back. I survived the betrayal from both accounts, and quickly learnt that I was better off without either one of them.

2) Emotions are unreliable. They allow us to feel one way or another, while confirming our thoughts. They effect the way we look at life. Just because your sad, doesn't mean the world has to be. It also doesn't mean the next ten years of your life will be. Emotions have nothing to do with the reality of things, which is vital to remember.

3) Love isn't always what it seems. When you break up with someone, you start to question if you ever loved them in the first place. Many people will confuse love with infatuation, or allow there overwhelming emotions to fool them into thinking they were in love. You may have never loved your ex, but only thought you did or similarly, still love that person and not know why you do. Love is easily miscalculated.

4) People will put themselves and there happiness first. For a relationship to work, it takes two people. Being with someone and spending your life together is a great, as long as both parties think so. Nothing should or will glue you both together, nor should it. But love is the only thing that can convince someone to put someone else's needs before their own. With that said its also important to realize that love doesn't last, someone may claim they love you today but disappear tomorrow. This is because there putting their happiness first.

5) Emotional pain can hurt more than physical pain. All dramatic-ness aside, no one likes there emotions toyed with. But we seek the behavior we allow. If we allow someone to walk all over us, they will, which will eventually tip ANYONE over the edge. For physical pain, there are cures. Emotional? not so much. Having your heart broken allows you to experience a new type of pain, one that doesn't have a remedy.

6) Life isn't fair. When you love someone-you want him or her, no matter what. You will do anything and everything to try and win them back or spend time with him/her. But when love goes south, your left with "wants" that cant be fulfilled. You can't force someone to love you, or even like you. And just because you love them, doesn't mean they will ever love you back. If they've flat out told you they don't care for you-its important to realize they don't and to give it up (don't continue to pursue someone who wouldn't do the same for you-i've made this mistake and the only person that ends up hurt is you). No matter how hard you want, or try to make things work-sometimes they just don't and this pertains back to lesson #4.

7) Expect the unexpected. Life always has a way of surprising/shocking us. If someone told me a year ago that I would be in the "situation" that I am now, I would have laughed at their insanity and asked what they were drinking. Jokes aside-life will always have a shock factor. When you fall in love, you hope that it will be forever but most times-this isn't the case. People don't end up with the first person they fall for and this is usually because their first love isn't usually the right type of love (I know mine wasn't).

8)Life is entirely what we make it. Even if your thrown a real game changer in your life, this doesn't mean the world is ending, nor does it mean you should give up. When your in love, days seem brighter, people seem better, and the world seems more beautiful. This is because were focused on the person we love, rather than the pouring rain outside or the test we just failed. All of this, does a 180 when we fall out of love. The beautiful world seems bitter. Hope is lost, along with ever finding your "happily ever after". This is evidence that life is what we make it. If we seek happiness, we will find it.

9)We take out our emotions out on the wrong people. I have always had a tendency to do this, and the older I get-the less acceptable it becomes. Love can be incredibly intense and push us to our wits end. When relationships go sour, many of us distance ourselves from our partner and even go as far as attacking him/her because there an easy target. We push people away as a defense mechanism, to see if we can push them far enough to the point of breaking before we do.

10)Nothing in life is self sustainable. In fairy tales, the perfect relationship with "the one" should be easy and require little maintenance. But everything in life requires effort to maintain, which is why most relationships end up failing. People think they've won the game before they actually have. If you stop putting in the required effort, you risk losing it all and let another player win.