New York Or North Pole?
When did New York turn into the North pole? If you have not been outside yet, don’t! It’s so brisk that even three layers, boots or a Vente chai tea latte cannot warm you up. So let’s start with yesterday. I woke up at 4 am and thought it would be a brilliant idea to head into school early, and study for my accounting test. After taking four practice quizzes online (and virtually failing miserably) I spent four hours studying definitions from four different chapters. As I finally coerced myself to get dressed and walk to school, I welcomed myself to an unlit, and empty building. The nearest Starbucks was four blocks and two avenues away, so I decided to go and sit in this ginormous cafe located between 44th and 45th street on 2nd avenue.
Of course to sit in the cafe, you had to order something, so I ordered a whole wheat bagel with butter, a cup of tea (of course) and went to the counter, in attempt to swipe my card. Don’t worry, the Celine didn’t bankrupt me, instead the cafe almost did when they told me that they had a $20 card limit. I then argued with the guy (that could only half understand my British accent) and negotiated it down to a $10 limit, by grabbing a container of grapes. I then sat in the cafe, nonchalantly popping grapes into my mouth and sipping tea, before my school was “open”. Finally I walked off 72 grapes worth of calories and around the corner into (yet again) an empty building. Minus the security guard who looked at me like I was wearing one of the psychedelic animal masks in the Bergdorf Goodman window display on the corner of 58th and 5th. Thankfully he didn’t ask why I was in school at such a ludicrous hour and I continued to walk to my first class, prior to my test.
As 9.25 rolled around, it was finally time to take my first accounting quiz. It suddenly dawned on me that a shopaholic acing an accounting quiz, would be like Barnby eating dog food (It just wouldn’t happen). Of course I forgot to bring a pencil, so I asked the girl next to me if she had one that I could borrow. Thankfully she did, and she handed me a pencil from the Standard Hotel saying “Grip Me”. I tweeted The Standard, that: “this pencil better make me ace my first financing exam” and finally It was time to put my beloved iPhone in my bag, far far away.
It turned out that after taking four practice tests (all with definitions), that the test contained four blank statements , that we had to fill in: An income statement, a retained earnings statement, a balance sheet and a statement of cash flows. Of course by this time my mind was just thinking about the songs playing at Boom Boom room (located on the top floor of the standard), how I really needed a glass of champagne, and all of the definitions i had just studied (hours on end), for absolutely no reason.
As soon as the first person walked out of the classroom, I followed. Putting the horrible test face down on the teachers desk, and doing the walk of shame back to my beloved Celine to collect my belongings, and run. I had 40 minutes before my next class, and as a perfectionist failing a quiz (or thinking I failed a quiz) was like knocking my head against a brick wall. Starbucks couldn’t cheer me up, and nor could a Godiva white chocolate star. So I paced to Bergdorf Goodman, hit 2 in the elevator, passed Christian Louboutin, and headed to the first pair or red shoes I saw, in faith of my bad mood.
When the salesman told me that they were the last pair that they had, I put them on in high hopes. As soon as I put he shoes on, I gave him my card and said that I would take them. Without a bag, box and as I was going to be five minutes late to my next class, all I wanted was the garment bag they came with. I debated wearing them to class, but instead I put them in my “Mercedes Chloe” tote bag, and ran as fast as I could to my research class.
I had forgotten all about the quiz, and as soon as my research and analysis class was over I decided that I was well overdue for a soft serve cream cone (aka my very guilty pleasure). It was mid afternoon, and as there is a McDonalds on my way home, I decided to pop in and grab an ice cream cone. After all, they do claim on their website it’s “low fat”.
As the McDonalds is right by the subway, I ended up having a Celine on one arm, the Mercedes Chloe text book tote on my shoulder, an ice cream cone in one hand, and a metro card in another. I made it about six steps out the door until I dropped my ice cream cone, splattering on my brand new bag, and dashed for the subway steps in mortification while looking for napkins or tissues.
Thankfully I found some tissues that my mother had brought me for christmas that said “They say the good things in life are free..don’t buy me those things”(as a joke) with a Blonde women on the front. I wiped up my bag, swiped my metro card and finally sat down. So then while im sitting, and casually minding my own business, a guy who looks like Ryan Gosling comes and sits next to me. His reading a book that looks older than my grandfather, looks around 22, and wearing a woven sweater.
He then stands up and walks right past the yellow “cautious” subway line, looks ahead and then turns to look at me. Doing this weird gesture with his hand on his chin I look away, I then realized he was coming closer to me and then when I finally looked at him he told me that I had ice cream on my chin. Wonderful.
Once the subway came, i’m sitting and reflecting on everything that had happened today. I thought about the shoes, thought about the Ryan gosling impersonator, and then looked at him to realize he was doing a sarcastic frozen wave to me, as if I was staring at him. I said hi and walked as far away as possible, insulted that he thought I would actually be staring at someone wearing a 1930s woven sweater.