Vulnerability Serving A Purpose
I've been counting calories since I was 15 years old and had a very unhealthy relationship with food into my early twenties. I'm not 100% ready to open up on a public platform about it - but lets just say Melissa Wood (@melissawoodhealth) really inspired me when she opened up about her struggles with an eating disorder. I think if one person reads this, knowing that there's hope and light from someone who struggled with an ED for 10 years, then my vulnerability has served its purpose.
You can say I've been through it all (as a teen) from being in the ICU (multiple times from low potassium), inpatient programs, outpatient programs, residential programs etc. Nothing really pushed me to "recover" until I made that shift in myself. I actually reached out to Melissa years ago opening up about my struggles. She recommended a therapist and reassured me that asking for help was the first step to recovery. I'm not sure what changed, but it was nothing short of a miracle. I was finally SICK of being SICK. I wanted to live a healthy life without being consumed from food. I was ruining relationships with my family (who I'm extremely close with), and on the brink of death. I also have to add in that my EX boyfriend was a huge help, he didn't know the extent to which I was struggling - but once we moved in together I knew it was time to get my act together.
What I did realize was that it was never about weight, more coping mechanisms. I used "purging" as my release from emotion. One morning I woke up and my grandfather had written me a long email about how I was going to die, I cried and cried and saved it in my notes and decided THAT was the day I was going to get better.
Therapy never worked, so I decided to buy a journal and write in it daily. It was freeing to get all my emotions out on paper. I also started running and working out. I started counting the days, which turned into weeks and then months of healthy eating. Here we are a few years later and I'm finally ready to give you the same hope that there is life after an Eating Disorder if YOU decide to get better. Melissa also recommended the book "A Return To Love" by" Marianne Williamson. Stating that it can heal your life - but honestly I credit Melissa for opening up and giving me hope. If she could do it, so could I, and so I did.
I never felt comfortable opening up before because it's a (huge) part of my life that I try to hide or cover up - but as I said earlier, if this can inspire one person to seek the help that they need then it's worth it.
Decide to make the shift in yourself - for yourself and I promise - it's worth it.